People Places Things

Here is the itinerary for the ride on Sunday. Call my cell if you have any questions – Julie XXX-XXX-XXXX

8AM – McDonald’s, Fullerton: 57 freeway, off at Chapman, go east, it’s on the southeast corner of Placentia Avenue and Chapman Avenue

9AM – Breakfast at Francie’s Pub, Corona (102 River Road) – 91 freeway east, off at Lincoln Avenue, turn right, then a right on River Road

Pechanga Casino, Temecula – 15 south, off at Temecula Parkway, turn left, Pechanga Parkway, turn right

Hell’s Kitchen, Lake Elsinore – 32685 Ortega Highway

Tom’s Farms, Corona – Off I-15, Temescal Canyon Road
(this last location was crossed out, replaced by "Cook’s Corner" in the Bunny's handwriting)

* * *

These are the places my husband visited his last day on Earth. He was with friends, doing something he was passionate about. Regardless of how it turned out, I know that he was on his way home to me.

I generally don’t make it a habit of torturing myself with the “what ifs.” Yes, occasionally I do lament the unfairness of things, but for the most part I am grateful for the time I had with the Bunny – the life we had together.

It’s been a year, and the intense shock has dulled somewhat. I am still very sad – though my positive, happy self stubbornly refuses to lay down and be quiet – the Bunny is never far from my thoughts.

Life has continued; sometimes a year seems like an eternity, other times it feels like just a few passing moments… I’m afraid of forgetting him. I’m afraid of losing myself. I don’t think I was meant to spend so much time alone – it gives me way too much time to think. Too much thinking isn’t good, because if I am not problem-solving, it’s very likely I am problem-creating. Or worse yet, attacking my self-esteem. I don’t know why; all I know is this is the first time in a long time I feel so unworthy, so… invisible. So disconnected.

And because those damn birds have eaten all my bread crumbs, I’m not sure yet how I’m going to find my way back.