November 19, 2008

Today was one of those "less good" days, and despite the fact that I was warned of that possibility in advance, it didn't make it any easier to bear.

Russ' intracranial pressure (ICP) number was elevated, and so the medical staff had to stop some lung treatment they were doing (they had Russ strapped to this table that tilts at 60-degree angles from side to side) because the tilting was further aggravating the ICP. He did blink earlier in the day, but I was told that from earlier to later this evening his "gag reflex" was weaker, which indicates "less responsive."

I spoke to his primary doctor, and we talked about things like "how serious" Russ' head injury is, and how his 50-year old body is going to be less resilient than say, a 20- or 30-year old's, and how the chances of him coming out of this without some permanent damage are slim (yes, and exactly how you think I was reacting to this conversation is pretty much how I was reacting). And after blubbering and feeling sorry for myself and Russ all the way home from the hospital, I had a few conversations with friends who reminded me (as I know all of you would remind me) that Russ has the will to get through this, that he's strong, that I can't lose hope even when things look hopeless... it was also pointed out to me that it's part of the doctor's job to make me aware of the possibilities (aka "worst case scenario"), and Russ has made it this far; I think the jury is still out on him.

Tomorrow I will meet with one of the investigating officers from Orange PD and so hopefully get more insight into what happened as far as the accident. I've heard some conflicting (and troubling) details that I want him to clarify for me, including the suggestion that Russ was "intoxicated more than a few beers" which would be completely out of character for both him and Louie; they went on several of these rides and were always very cautious and careful, and I also know from past experience if it came down to it, Russ would have called me if he felt incapable of riding in that situation. I told someone close to me earlier in the week: "Sometimes accidents just happen.." ...even when you do everything right. It would be easy for me to pin the responsibility on someone, or something - anything to give me a REASON why Russ is lying in the hospital with a cracked skull right now, but you know what, having a reason doesn't change the outcome. So reasons are of no importance to me.

I promised you information on Louie's services which will be held at Rose Hills in Whittier. Viewing times are scheduled this Sunday at 5:30pm and 7pm, funeral services are scheduled for 11am Monday. I plan to attend Monday... Louie was a good guy, and he was a good friend to my husband right up until the very last second. I know Russ will be sad to hear he's gone.

I look forward to giving you a better update tomorrow.

Shirley