Hibernation

I had a low blood sugar reaction yesterday – I have them every so often, especially when I don’t stop working in order to eat food – but this one is worth mentioning because it happened during the daytime, so the impact on my activities was more noticeable (usually they happen at night, around 3 o’clock in the morning). Diabetes is a funny disease.. it’s like riding a unicycle on a wire, a thousand feet in the air underneath the big top – you have to balance things “just so” or you plummet to your death. Okay, maybe not plummet, per se. But as far as dying goes, there are all sorts of bad things you have to deal with along the way – going blind, amputation, kidney failure – you get the picture. This is why my recent ‘working-out-and-taking-care-of-myself’ thing is doubly-significant.

Way back when the Bunny and I were first dating, we were in Mexico – he and our friends Jon & Janet were participating in the Rosarita Century (100-mile bicycle ride, for the uninformed). That was the first time I had met Jon & Janet, in fact… and I remember us getting ready to go have dinner, so I – figuring we’d be eating food shortly – took my shot of insulin before we left the hotel we were staying at, and took off walking down the main drag. And walking. And walking. And walking. I think we ended up walking for like an hour, and finally we ducked into a restaurant. By the time we were sitting at our table, my blood sugar had dropped really, really low. First I start feeling clammy, I get pale, my hands start shaking… but the way I know I am in serious trouble is when my brain shuts off. I have no other way to describe it – usually my thoughts move constantly, at light speed, but during a low blood sugar reaction everything comes to a screeching halt. I can’t talk coherently, I’m staring at the people I am with trying to figure out who they are, I burst into tears. As it’s been told to me, it is pretty frightening to witness.

If I remember this tale correctly, the Bunny raced over to the bar to get me some orange juice (we’d been together long enough that he knew what to do in these instances). Remember, Jon and Janet hadn’t met me before, so they were speechless… what a first impression! That’s me… unforgettable. Lolll.

Over time, the Bunny got really good about knowing when my blood sugar was low. Sometimes even before I knew it. I wonder what tipped him off… maybe I wasn’t processing and communicating the way I normally do, and externally that’s the biggest indication something is not right internally. I never had to worry that I wouldn’t wake up, if I had a low blood sugar reaction in the middle of the night. Not with the Bunny right there next to me. He was truly “my Protector” in more ways than one.

Sometimes my morbid side comes out and I imagine what would happen if I had a low blood sugar reaction and didn’t do anything about it… I know if anyone who knows me is reading this right now they might be alarmed at what I just wrote – but I made a pact with myself years ago that I would never intentionally hurt myself like that (a long story, best kept for another time). But I still wonder. Would anyone miss me? Would anyone care? Did I really impact the people in my life the best way possible? When I got to heaven or hell or wherever I am destined to go, would I be aware of anything? I think I would want to know if I made anyone’s life better, because all I can be sure of is the people in my life have definitely improved mine.

Today is Monday. In exactly one week, I will get to the year anniversary of the Bunny’s accident. The accident that took the life of his good friend Louie. The accident that altered the course of many lives – not just his and Louie’s; not just mine. I think about my life now, and I hope those other people are hanging in there. I hope they are doing okay. I hope they have a nice balance of joy mixed in with the sorrow. Balanced… just like my blood sugars aspire to be. Sometimes it takes a lot of effort, but you know, the payoff is always worth it. Peace.