I’ve had people ask me if the Bunny “comes to me in my dreams” which – from what I understand now – is something that happens frequently when loved ones have died. I’m not a big “dreamer” – and usually when I do dream I can’t remember the details once I wake up. I think I don’t dream much as an adult because my mind is on such a roller coaster when I’m awake, it needs some sleep too! I want to say as a child I used to dream all the time… but then again, I would consider that when I WAS a child, I used to hold a lot of my emotions inside or cut them off completely; so whatever was going on in my mind didn’t have an outlet.
Last night, I dreamed my car was stolen. Not the car I own now, the car I owned BEFORE the car I own now. In my dream, my car was sitting in my driveway, and when I woke up in the morning it was gone. Then in a flash, the car was back; and I was taking it to a friend who runs a auto body repair shop. The funny thing about this dream is that this really happened, in real life! Except that it was my brother Sandy’s car. My brother lives and works in Hawaii (yea, lucky, I know – but at least I have someplace to visit – IN HAWAII!), and a few years ago the Bunny and I were preparing to ship his car over to him, on account of the car he was driving – in Hawaii – was stolen. At least, that’s how I remember this story. So, we have my brother’s car in the driveway, idling (just to make sure the battery was working properly – and we live in a relatively decent neighborhood)… and before you know it, some yahoo jumps in it and takes off. Both the Bunny and I were shocked and appalled… I remember the Bunny NOT wanting to be the one to tell Sandy that his other car was stolen, too – how ironic can things get! Miraculously, the car was recovered by the police a few days later (apparently, this rarely is the case), with a few extra bullet holes, some blood, and one baby sock. God knows WHAT that car had seen or been a party to!... but we took it to my friend’s (the one with the auto body repair shop) and got it fixed back up, good as new… and shipped it off to my brother.
In the past six months since the Bunny’s death, I have had only one dream with him in it. He didn’t have a starring role, either… I recall he was only in there for a few minutes, and we didn’t have any conversation or anything. That was it… until the night before last. I had my second dream – this one was ALL Bunny. For me, it felt like “a confession” – all you Catholics out there know what I’m talking about – it consisted of me explaining to the Bunny all of the things I was doing in my life, all the things that had changed, all the things that I had changed… it was almost like I was looking for him to tell me it was okay. Somewhere, internally, I needed to feel like my husband knew what was going on with me, and that he supported me… even now.
I woke up the next morning, and I remembered that dream. Whether in some way, out in the universe, I really DID have this conversation with the Bunny, or it was all in my head… I FELT a little better. The sun was just a little bit brighter. My outlook was just a little bit more positive.
The Sunday that my husband left – the Sunday of his accident: he was on his way out for a day-long motorcycle ride with his biker buddies. He left early – maybe around 6:30AM? I was still laying in bed, not having to get up for church for a few more hours at least. The Bunny was dressed in his riding gear, and leaned over his side of the bed to give me a kiss. I opened my eyes (barely, but they were open) to look at him, and I smiled – the Bunny smiled back at me, and spoke the last words I would hear him speak alive: “I love you.”
Those are the words I still hear in my head; my reminder that “love never ends.” Once you let someone into your heart, they are pretty much in there forever… at least, that’s how it is for me. Luckily, my heart has an unlimited capacity for love… convenient; like having a friend who runs an auto body repair shop.
Last night, I dreamed my car was stolen. Not the car I own now, the car I owned BEFORE the car I own now. In my dream, my car was sitting in my driveway, and when I woke up in the morning it was gone. Then in a flash, the car was back; and I was taking it to a friend who runs a auto body repair shop. The funny thing about this dream is that this really happened, in real life! Except that it was my brother Sandy’s car. My brother lives and works in Hawaii (yea, lucky, I know – but at least I have someplace to visit – IN HAWAII!), and a few years ago the Bunny and I were preparing to ship his car over to him, on account of the car he was driving – in Hawaii – was stolen. At least, that’s how I remember this story. So, we have my brother’s car in the driveway, idling (just to make sure the battery was working properly – and we live in a relatively decent neighborhood)… and before you know it, some yahoo jumps in it and takes off. Both the Bunny and I were shocked and appalled… I remember the Bunny NOT wanting to be the one to tell Sandy that his other car was stolen, too – how ironic can things get! Miraculously, the car was recovered by the police a few days later (apparently, this rarely is the case), with a few extra bullet holes, some blood, and one baby sock. God knows WHAT that car had seen or been a party to!... but we took it to my friend’s (the one with the auto body repair shop) and got it fixed back up, good as new… and shipped it off to my brother.
In the past six months since the Bunny’s death, I have had only one dream with him in it. He didn’t have a starring role, either… I recall he was only in there for a few minutes, and we didn’t have any conversation or anything. That was it… until the night before last. I had my second dream – this one was ALL Bunny. For me, it felt like “a confession” – all you Catholics out there know what I’m talking about – it consisted of me explaining to the Bunny all of the things I was doing in my life, all the things that had changed, all the things that I had changed… it was almost like I was looking for him to tell me it was okay. Somewhere, internally, I needed to feel like my husband knew what was going on with me, and that he supported me… even now.
I woke up the next morning, and I remembered that dream. Whether in some way, out in the universe, I really DID have this conversation with the Bunny, or it was all in my head… I FELT a little better. The sun was just a little bit brighter. My outlook was just a little bit more positive.
The Sunday that my husband left – the Sunday of his accident: he was on his way out for a day-long motorcycle ride with his biker buddies. He left early – maybe around 6:30AM? I was still laying in bed, not having to get up for church for a few more hours at least. The Bunny was dressed in his riding gear, and leaned over his side of the bed to give me a kiss. I opened my eyes (barely, but they were open) to look at him, and I smiled – the Bunny smiled back at me, and spoke the last words I would hear him speak alive: “I love you.”Those are the words I still hear in my head; my reminder that “love never ends.” Once you let someone into your heart, they are pretty much in there forever… at least, that’s how it is for me. Luckily, my heart has an unlimited capacity for love… convenient; like having a friend who runs an auto body repair shop.
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