The Church Stalker

So here's a not-so-funny story: I have my own stalker. Of all places I picked him up - church. Ironic, huh? Anyway, being the friendly, happy girl that I am and not realizing that everyone who attends church does NOT have a good heart or noble intentions, this gentleman crossed my path over a year ago. I am part of my church's music ministry in which I participate as a member of our choir as well as occasional cantor (the cantor is the person who leads the assembly in singing hymns during church services). In the beginning I would invariably greet my stalker - we'll call him Chuck - at the service he regularly attended on Sundays, and he would be effusive about how beautifully I sang, and how he loved to come to church and see me, etc. This exchange would typically be accompanied by a hug - now remember! I am one of those "no touchie" girls, but my thought process at the time was, "We are at church, what's the harm, I can handle it," Weeks went by, and I progressively became less and less comfortable with this pattern. There were also comments Chuck would make in passing that I felt were not very appropriate for him to make as a married man at least 20 to 30 years my senior, particularly when I made it clear I was a happily married woman (the Bunny was not a churchgoer).

I remember talking to the Bunny about the goings on, and his response to me was, "Babe, you just gotta tell this guy to back off.. don't get all flowery with the words," (my tendency to do on occasion, particularly if I find myself needing to communicate something that might be perceived as negative or confrontational). Believe me, I tried! Chuck invited me to go have lunch with him (to which I said "no"), he told me if he were 20 years younger he would give the Bunny "a run for his money", he would comment on the clothes I was wearing on any given Sunday - one day in response to one such comment, I came out and said something to the effect of, "You know, my husband really wouldn't like that." Chuck had the balls to tell me: "Well, I don't see him here (meaning at church)."

I even went so far as to physically bring the Bunny into church after the service had ended and introduced him personally to Chuck - twice. Nothing changed. My Sunday attendance began to slip, and when I was scheduled to cantor I would quickly gather my music and race out at the earliest opportunity, just so I could avoid being approached by the guy. I won't get into the details here, but Chuck also obtained my email address and cell phone number, and I would get emails and voicemails all throughout this period - mostly which I ignored. By now, some of my friends in the music ministry were aware of my situation, and helped me by playing "interference" whenever they could. I had raised the issue with the Pastor at one point, but didn't really get much help or support from that end so I never brought it up to him again.

The day comes that my Bunny is involved in his accident. Three weeks in ICU, and my husband is dead. This asshole, this bastard motherfucker, comes up to me probably a week after and asks me, "Shirley, are you still mourning?" I was shocked into speechlessness. Shortly after this incident, I had (along with one of my music ministry friends in attendance) what I would describe as a "hysterical outburst" at which time I looked Chuck dead in the eyes and forbid him to ever attempt to speak to me again. Ever. He tried to give me some explanation, and I stopped it by holding up my hand. "Never again!" I said, and I turned and left, starting a month-long sabbatical away from the church.

I slowly made my way back to the music ministry, because the truth is, I really love to sing. I felt a little more emotionally "together," and Chuck was smart to steer clear of me lately. Then, out of the blue, approximately two weeks ago, I get an email; Chuck wanting to know what he did to piss me off, at the same time mentioning, "You looked great at church today, you've lost weight?" I don't respond. Which brings us to today, and another email: "I can't live normally with someone angry with me and I don't know why... just smile and I will know you have forgiven me." I still don't intend to respond. But in my mind, the message I would like to be able to communicate is this: "If anything, I see it as a complete waste that you stand here, breathing in front of me when my husband is dead. You are nothing to me. How you live - normal or otherwise - is absolutely none of my concern. Just as my life is absolutely none of your concern. Go away, drop dead, just leave me the fuck alone."

I WISH I could communicate this.