Born Again

No, that isn't a religious affiliation... it's a reference to myself, figuratively balanced on the edge of a very steep, very scary-looking cliff - knowing I must throw myself over at some point, but not quite mustering up the courage just yet. In the lyrics of one of my favorite Semisonic songs: "Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end" - if you spend any time at all reading these posts, this tendency to quote song lyrics will become quite familiar to you. Music is very much a part of my life, on par with those other luxuries referred to as "air" and "food."

Flashback to a year ago, I was deliriously happy... happily married to my husband, who I lovingly addressed as "the Bunny" and will continue to do so here. In the same breath I can call him a bastard - bastard for loving to ride motorcycles, the activity that directly contributed to his death - but I loved him in spite of this flaw. All kidding aside, he was passionate about his bike - the same passion he brought to many things in our life together - and to have denied him the pleasure of doing something he loved was not within my spirit to do. Even knowing how it would all turn out in the end. He died on December 7th at the end of last year - the same date as the bombing of Pearl Harbor back in 1941 - as if somehow this makes his death more meaningful or important. It doesn't really; but at least in my mind it anchors to some other, larger devastation as if to give me something relative to make a comparison, as if through that comparison my loss won't be as earth-shattering... but it doesn't help. My natural world has been raped by a nuclear device. All the green is gone - not forever, mind you, but for the moment.

Not a really happy and positive way to start out my first blog... but I promise I'll get progressively better.