Christian Seely

I was getting dressed the other morning, and in the process of trying to hook my bra behind me I felt this shooting pain in my right hand. I let out a loud curse, and my dog Winnie immediately jumps up from her pillow and runs over to me, wagging her tail and making sure I was okay. Now, THAT’s love. If she were another person, that nice gesture would most likely be followed with a “Did you HAVE to make that noise? You freaked me out, I thought something was REALLY wrong!” See, that’s where animals get it right, and human beings just screw it all up. My dog loves me unconditionally, without reservations, without stipulations, without ulterior motives. There’s a saying I’ve heard before that sounds very “cutesie” at first glance, but really has a significant message if one stops and thinks about it: “My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” – Author Unknown. I LOVE a good saying…

Since starting my workout routine with the personal trainer, I increased my daily Winnie walks from one to two a day. Yes, I know it sets the bar higher, but knowing how much she loves to go for a walk, and how excited she is being able to walk twice a day now keeps me motivated to be consistent with it. Winnie asks me for nothing, yet she is always there with love to give me. Next to my son, I spend most of my time with her – one of the few non-virtual relationships that doesn’t make me feel boxed in. No expectations… I get to do whatever I want; very much like when the Bunny was alive.

So, Winnie and I were on our morning walk, and periodically – as dogs tend to like to do – she would forcefully stop in her tracks so she could smell this bush, or that brick wall… most likely holding evidence of some other dog passing by earlier. I use the word “forcefully” because most of the time I am in a hurry (I’m always in a hurry), rarely are these walks the meandering, ambling kind… Generally we walk the same route through my neighborhood, although sometimes I do feel compelled to turn left at the corner instead of right – just to switch it up for Winnie so it doesn’t become too boring – for both her and myself. She likes to stop in the same places usually, and one such stop today put us in front of a house I have walked past many times before. There is a particular bush Winnie always likes to investigate, directly to the right of the driveway.

For some unfathomable reason, I happened to look down at the pavement of the driveway, and noticed a message scratched out in the corner, most likely when the driveway was originally poured. I’m sure you’ve seen this before in the world, where there is wet concrete and random people carve their initials into it, to remain there indefinitely once the concrete hardens. I looked closer – it’s some kid’s name: Christian Seely. Probably either a current or previous inhabitant of this house. Underneath Christian’s name, a date: May 17, 1990.

May 17th is my wedding anniversary. So, on our morning walk, my vision registers this date, and immediately I get a tidal wave of thought coursing through my brain. How much longer will I look at the date and be able to say “that’s my wedding anniversary”? Technically speaking, I am no longer married – therefore, no anniversary to acknowledge. That thought makes me extraordinarily sad, and I am overtaken again by thoughts of “life is UNFAIR!” And after a few minutes of self-pity, my mind once again takes control and gently – because it understands, and also feels in its own way, the pain my heart is feeling – reminds me that all I can do is keep moving forward. One step at a time, Shirley. Don’t be so quick to get past this... your heart goes at its own pace. Don’t leave it behind.

They say that dogs – I guess all animals? – are very receptive to the thoughts and feelings of their owners. Winnie is a good girl; she finishes her investigation of the bush, and we continue on our journey. As is her way, she is just “there” with me. She doesn’t ask me questions, doesn’t make me talk about my feelings, doesn’t impatiently wait for me to “get over” anything. She just…. loves me. As for my heart, I’ve come to the realization that I will always love the Bunny. He changed my life; he added all the beautiful colors to my world.

And whoever has the thought to come into MY world is going to have to understand that...

...and just love me.