Are You There? It's Me...

It’s difficult to keep thinking positively when the overwhelming evidence in one’s life points to utter devastation and failure.

That’s where I am at right at this moment. I am at the proverbial crossroads; wanting to continue focusing on my professional activities which give meaning and purpose to my life – you know, the ones I am very passionate about – versus I also want to be able to eat and pay my bills. My challenges right now are purely economical, and there are a handful of ways I can go about addressing them.

Every option has its pros and cons. I could get an additional job, change companies, change industries completely (all easier said than done). I could bring in a roommate, which means opening up my sanctuary to another person – probably a stranger. I could ask my friends and family for short-term loans… something I really dislike but have been forced into as of late. My biggest barrier is not knowing what any of these choices will do to my overall “life happiness” level – something I have been very protective of since the Bunny’s death. The bottom line is this: I am afraid to make a choice that will leave me in a state of unhappiness.

Coincidentally, I have been reading a book from my vast collection that I picked up quite some time ago and for whatever reason was inspired to pick up again recently. It is entitled, “Feel the Fear… And Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers, Ph D. The main premise of the book is that all of our fears – those emotionally-based ones; the things we “worry” about – all stem from our lack of faith in ourselves. That we won’t be able to handle whatever it is that life throws at us. And because we don’t think we will be able to handle it, we are paralyzed. Stuck. Unwilling to engage in our Universe – thereby missing out on all of the world’s opportunities.

As far as I can tell, I am not doing a great job of handling my ongoing survival. Every month is a challenge – and so far I have managed to barely squeak by. But I’m definitely getting discouraged. When is my luck and good karma going to run out? I’m trying not to focus on that negative thought – focusing on the negative only seems to create more negative, in my experience.

I am three quarters of the way through the book. At the conclusion of Chapter 9, I read a sentence that kind of sticks with me: “Stop fighting your life.” What Susan means by this is that it's important to view every experience in our lives as valuable; to “let go” of the mental picture we each hold inside our minds of what life SHOULD be, and simply accept life for what it IS.

It will all work out. Say yes to your Universe, Shirley. “It means channeling resources to find constructive, healthy ways to deal with adverse situations. It means having the flexibility necessary to survey many options and choose ones that enhance growth. It does not mean being destroyed; it means becoming alive to possibility.”

Thanks, Susan. I needed that.

I’m still alive.

Peace.