What I Want From You

“That’s an interesting question. One I am perfectly willing to answer, but you have to realize that I never filter my answers to make the other person ‘feel better’ – so know going forward that I will answer every question I am capable of answering with a 100% honest representation of my true thoughts and feelings.

I want plenty.

I want you to be happy. If you aren’t happy – and 50/50 isn’t good enough from my perspective (it shouldn’t be from yours, either) – then spend some time thinking about all the various pieces and parts of your life. Work on those things that contribute to your unhappiness (change/eliminate) as well as your happiness (increase/develop).

I want you to realize your life is well within your own control. Why are you settling?

I want you to acknowledge that family is at the top of the list. You have, intentionally or unintentionally, put your kid in the middle of a competitive situation. She didn’t ask to be here, and she was here first. Never, never give your energy into a relationship that makes you justify the time you spend with your children. Don’t make her feel as ‘less important.’ All kids want is the love of their parents. All parents lay claim to this outcome, but really: talk is cheap. Actions are more important. Behavior is the proof. Give her stability. Give her a home. Give her a sanctuary. Give her your love. That’s YOUR responsibility… you brought her into this world, after all.

Do what you want for YOU. Nobody else. Don’t try to act any certain way. Here’s a relevant quote I happened across recently: ‘The key is to get to know people and trust them to be who they are. Instead, we trust people to be who we want them to be - and when they're not, we cry.’ I don’t know the author, but this should resonate with most people. It takes courage to be the person you are. The person inside. It takes even more courage to show that person to the world – you must be absolutely fearless. Sure, some of the people around you will cry. But they will also know where they stand with you; they will know what’s important to you, what you believe in, and what you are willing to die for to protect. This is how they will learn to trust you.

Speaking of trust, be open to trusting other people. But the key for you is to learn to Trust. Yourself. First. You are not the miserable wretch you might be telling yourself in your head. You are special (and not just to me). Think about that. When you fail to trust other people, you cast a shadow of, ‘You are inherently bad and I know given the chance you will screw me over’ on top of them. That is VERY insulting. Recognize this for what it is: your defense mechanism. Ask yourself: have you ever been hurt by anybody? Has anyone ever let you down in your life? Then that possibility (of being hurt) is not tied to trust. You will still be hurt by people regardless of whether you trust them. So my advice to you: start trusting people. This affects YOU more than them. And it lets you get emotionally closer to people; something it seems that you are starving for.

I want to affect you. I want to pop into your head at random moments throughout the day. I want you to want to know how my day is going, to want to tell me how your day is going, to look for opportunities to seek me out. I want to spend more time with you. I want to matter to you; as a person. I want to be your friend; I want you to recognize the importance of that kind of relationship. Almost everything I say and do where you are concerned is because I like you. So to me, that makes us friends. I care about you as a person, and for what you represent in my own life. Don’t let that freak you out.

Like I said before: I want plenty. But it’s not what I want… it’s what YOU are willing to give me. What you are willing to give to yourself. This is your life. You have as much time as you need; it’s a matter of priority. Importance. What’s important to you? WHO is important to you?

This is your life. Make it count. I’m not your only friend – the Universe is, too. Take a few risks. Put it all out there, and you will find the support you need. You will find the strength you need. And I promise you: you will change not just your life, but the lives of those that know and love you. For the better.

Peace.”




- Shirley D. Downie, July 2, 2011