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Yesterday was Easter Sunday, and I was sitting in church, listening to the priest give his homily - the part where he talks to the congregation about the message in the Gospel and readings and stuff, so the people can take it and then apply it to their own lives, hopefully for the betterment of themselves and society.

What caught my attention was the part in the story where Jesus has just been crucified on the cross, and all of the apostles are sitting around, probably in shock, wondering what to do now... one of the questions the priest posed to the audience was: "How long do you think it took for the apostles to recover (i.e. get over the shock that Jesus, their compadre, Master, leader) from the horrific recent events of Jesus being tortured and crucified - killed in a painful and barbaric way right in front of their eyes?"

I thought about that for a moment, and I decided it would have definately taken more than the few days it takes to get from Good Friday to Easter Sunday.

I next considered the part of my Catholic faith that says Jesus "rose from the dead" which of course, was in line with what had been prophesized. Now, the way MY mind works is this: people who die DON'T come back. However, prophesies must come to fruition for faith to take root; for people to believe. It is highly conceivable that anyone living during Jesus' time who had a vested interest in making that prophesy "true" could have broke into that tomb and taken Jesus' body out. Poof! A religion is born.

Life is such a funny thing; I have been going to church for years and have listened to these stories over and over during that time - but what's different for me now? I have the new perspective of having someone I loved - a lot - die on me, so yeah, I can completely relate to how those apostles must have felt. People are still people after all, no matter what historical period they lived in. I also questioned for a moment any priest's ability to really relate to the people in their flock - do priests ever get the experience of working a regular job to support a family, only to then lose that job? Do they understand the pain of planning out your whole life with your partner, to have him or her die and leave you completely and utterly lost and alone? It's not called "interpersonal relationship" for nothing - there must be some relating going on. Some sharing of common experiences. Some empathy - which makes two people equal - not just sympathy, which makes one beholden to the other.

The Bunny wasn't tortured... I was. I still am, because every day I question my reason for being here, where my life is going, what am I supposed to do with my time and my talent when it's so hard to even drag myself out of bed every day. As the days go by, there are more and more things to do - like I am on rollerskates, holding onto a rope behind a speeding car - unable to hold on or let go. I'm just... stuck. Completely and utterly lost and alone.

He's the one that's dead, and I'm the one that's dying.