Reasons vs. Excuses

I believe nothing shows more about a person's true character than his or her actions - how they behave in real-life, everyday situations.

I am happy to report that the latest "guy hang-up" I've been suffering from over the last several months has finally come to an end; I've had enough opportunity to observe the guy's behavior and determined that he's got some qualities that just don't jive with me. In other words, he's egotistical and a bit of a skank. All things being equal, my standards are higher than that. I deserve better.

I sometimes wonder if I am too judgemental. In the past few weeks I've been accused of being inflexible, limited, and a handful of other negatively descriptive words from individuals in my orbit - thankfully not people I consider to be my friends, but people that (by nature of these real-life, everyday situations) I have interacted with - and I keep coming back to my gut that tells me I don't have to explain myself to anyone. I am not looking to be "changed" to suit some outsider's perception of what kind of person they think I should be. What I AM looking for, is inspiration. Motivation. Warmth. Connection. Acceptance - warts and all. It sounds so simple, but believe me: the application of this concept is somehow very difficult to bring to life.

Back to my story. So! This realization - my emotional "letting go" of this fantasy relationship - caused me to think of people and behavior in general terms. I have frequent discussions with my friends about how people act and why they act that way... "he had a bad childhood" or "she was in a bad relationship" - these are reasons cited for the behavior I can see played out now. What annoys me is when people try to go one step further, into "excuse" territory - rather than simply provide an explanation of their questionable behavior, they try to justify why the world should accept it from them. "I had a bad childhood so I am now going to go through my adult life and treat other people like crap before they have a chance to hurt me like my parents did" - you know, everyone on the planet could find an excuse if they searched hard enough. Regardless of what anyone knows about their fellow man, everyone has skeletons in their closet. I don't understand why most people are so quick to believe that everyone else "has it better"... in that respect, we are all the same. We may not be privy to the intimate details of that inner closet, but believe you me; it's packed with all kinds of crap.

So in my opinion, we all start at zero. Everyone has different experiences - you have relationships with people and you get to find out what those details are all about. Those details are the crayons used to make people colorful, beautiful... unique. No two are alike. And you simply appreciate having those people around - not picking them apart, thinking "oh, I would not have used that color" or "there's an extra tree in the landscape I think throws off the balance of the..." You either appreciate it, or you don't hang it up on your wall. Period.

Even this guy. Not to say I wouldn't take notice if I were to visit someone else's house, but he's not the kind of art I want hanging up on MY wall. And that's okay. Because who I surround myself with - the people I seek to inspire me - says something about MY true character.

And my gut tells me I am on the right track.