An Empty Gesture

So, I should have done this post yesterday, but I was too tired after the day’s festivities (it was the Fourth of July). Overall it’s been a relatively calm weekend, with the exception of Saturday, the actual holiday.

I received a phone call from one of my music buddies who got a call from a couple who was getting married on Saturday. In hindsight, this was the first (I say first.. there were others) “red flag” – those little events that lead up to a big train wreck that, when you are contemplating something later, you think, hmmmm. There was my clue! And that other thing, and that other thing, and… so my buddy calls me and is frantic. He’s the pianist, and he’s looking for a vocalist – who is available on a holiday, with about 24 hours’ notice? The answer, almost nobody. And although I had my own plans, I told him I could squeeze it in. I primarily agreed to do it to help my friend out… and when it was all said and done, that was exactly my reward: the knowledge that a friend needed me, and I came to the rescue.

I’m a pretty aggressive person, and I can be impatient; one of the things that gets my dander up is first, when people wait till the last minute to get something done, and second, want to put all sorts of strings onto you while you are trying to solve THEIR problem. Such is how the conversation was going between my friend and the bride. He’s trying to negotiate the gig, he gives her our fee (at which she initially balks), then she starts wanting to make changes to our song lineup. I tell my friend, “I don’t know how YOU want to handle this, but if it were ME, I would tell her this:” and the “this” is pretty much ‘take it or leave it’ – no changes, no special requests, you either want music during your ceremony or you don’t. Frigging ONE DAY’S notice. For your WEDDING! It blew my mind.

Okay, so we lock the arrangements down, and we show up at the church on Saturday afternoon – did I mention, it is Fourth of July? Oh yea, I did. So the ceremony begins, and not too far into it, it becomes painfully obvious that this group (as a whole) has never set foot in a church before. Not even talking about a Catholic church… no one had any idea how to conduct themselves. Catholic ceremonies are very traditional; there are specific times to sit, stand, kneel, be quiet, respond, etc. etc. There are certain things to do when you read the Scripture. Each Catholic service – whether it’s a regular mass, wedding, funeral, whatever – usually has two Scripture readings, then the priest reads something out of the Gospel. When you start a Scripture reading, you say something to the effect of “A reading from the book of (Corinthians, Genesis – insert a name of any book of the bible, except the Gospels which are Matthew, Mark, Luke & John). At the conclusion of the Scripture reading, you say “The word of the Lord” to which the congregants present respond “Thanks be to God.”

Now, I’m not a Catholic mass purist, really. In fact, I would go so far as to describe myself as a “non-practicing Catholic” most of the time, except where music is involved. Singing in church for the past four years has really kept me in regular attendance. I’m not ashamed of that, because while I am there I listen to the readings, and the priests’ homilies (my favorite part of the mass, usually) – whatever motivates me to attend I perceive to be fair as long as when I’m there I pay attention, I’m not disruptive, and I “play my part” as a parishioner, so to speak.

So, this particular wedding has a whole different feel to it – not too positive, and something I’ve certainly never experienced before in singing a wedding. I want to say it colored me emotionally, with all the darker colors in the crayon box – the grays, the blues… it was just a little “off” for me.

Then we get to the ‘piece de resistance,’ as they say in France (although I think I’m butchering the spelling – what the heck, I’m not French). After communion – which is about three-quarters through; almost done! can’t wait - there is a part in the ceremony where the bride takes a special bouquet over to the statue of the Virgin Mary, and the vocalist (played by me, remember) sings the “Ave Maria.” A side note: I really enjoy singing the Ave Maria. Most people enjoy hearing me sing the Ave Maria. It’s not a lengthy version that I sing, but it’s rich and meaningful and I use my very best “singing” voice when I do it; it’s like the cherry on top of the sundae. And it’s in Latin, so I have to really pay attention and focus on what I am doing.

So the bride walks over with the bouquet, my buddy starts playing the intro, and I start singing. I’ve probably gotten only through four measures of the song (so I have a ways to go yet), and all of a sudden, I hear applause. Applause in the middle of the Ave Maria. I look over at the couple getting married, and apparently what had happened was the two of them decided to kiss each other at that moment, and the rest of the lookers-on were applauding their kiss. I almost stopped singing, I was so shocked. I looked over at my buddy on the piano, and he shrugged, so I kept going.

Now, yes, I realize this isn’t about me. I am a diva at heart, and I love to do music, and I always hope that whoever is listening really enjoys it. I love the fact that I can enhance someone’s experience by my contribution. But what struck me in this whole episode is this: if you are going to bother to have a “church wedding” then at LEAST have the decency to be somewhat familiar with the customs of the religion! But no, what it WAS, was a convenient “photo op.” Just an image in someone’s photo album, sitting on the coffee table collecting dust. Or cut out the “church” part completely; make it your own – just make it authentic. Make it meaningful. Make it real.

In retrospect, I should probably not have taken the gig so last minute – a clear indication of a lack of preparation, lack of care, lack of something! Whatever. But like I said, I did it for my friend. And that made me feel good. Despite not feeling good for the pure joy I normally experience in doing the music. Which just proves that saying – there is always something positive to be gained in ANY situation. A “photo op” wedding ceremony, or the death of a beloved husband.

You just have to be looking for it.