On The First Day

I was engaged in a conversation with a good friend recently, and the crux of the discussion centered around the concept of whether or not it was realistic to expect other people to “accept us the way we are,” or do real relationships require what he referred to as “behavior modifications.” This gave me pause, because this is one of the basic themes of my whole life.

I am naturally drawn to people who are like me in some way; I identify with some aspect that resonates within me, very much like the sound vibrations you would create with a tuning fork, or the clinking of two fine crystal goblets together. Once that connection is established, I pretty much approach the relationship wide open – in other words, I say what I think and I feel, and I trust the other person 100% from the start, rather than the traditional way interpersonal relationships are typically developed (where you meet someone, and over time your trust in them increases, and correspondingly you reveal more of your inner self to them). I’ve always thought the “traditional way” was completely backwards. My way might be riskier, but in my opinion, “trust” is an all or nothing endeavor. As time goes on, the other person in the relationship either validates my trust, or threatens it… and too many threats will result in me simply cutting the person out of my life.

I’ve often wondered how the other people that know me perceive this tendency of mine. Good? Bad? Naïve? Brilliant? I guess you would get different answers, talking to different people. From my own perspective, my approach saves a lot of time. I am able to get into deep and meaningful relationships much quicker, which gives me the emotional return – the connection – that motivates my own relationship behavior. Sometimes I get burned, sure, but more often than not I am blessed with some pretty wonderful relationships. I look around, and because I approach others with my heart and soul on a platter, I tend to attract those same sort of people in kind. People can be absolutely amazing when you remove all the barriers and approach them in utter defenselessness.

As a result, I have several fairly diverse groups of friends. Some groups overlap with others, some are completely separate. When the Bunny first came into my life and I was making the “introduce the new guy” rounds through these groups, it always fascinated me that the Bunny could engage in conversation with anyone… he was open and friendly (a little at odds with his appearance, because he was a big, tough-looking guy), but most of all he was sincere. He wasn’t the sort of person that would be nice to somebody to their face, and then later when we got home would trash the person because inside he might not have liked them. And I don’t say this to mean he necessarily liked every one of my friends that he met, either – but he respected the fact that they were MY friends, that they were people, and it didn’t define him in any way whether he agreed with them, shared their values, or would make the same choices that they would, given the same circumstances. The Bunny trusted me. He loved me. And he knew what the people in my life meant to me. It was never, ever a competition. He wasn’t one of those guys that was like, “Now we are going out, I am the end all be all for all of your needs, Woman!”

Relationships CAN’T be conditional. I don’t want to change anyone, and I don’t want anyone to try and change me. I want to be inspired. I want to be adored. But most of all, I want to be trusted… I want to be understood. And kind of like the first rebel who proposed that the world was indeed round, NOT flat – I may not be able to provide solid proof to make anyone else believe this… but my reality is defined by being accepted for who I am. There is NO other alternative.

Welcome to my world.