The Other Nine

Way back in the formative years of my sales career, the Bunny had a saying for those times when I would go on an appointment with a prospect, make all the necessary and appropriate points in my sales presentation, but for some unknown reason my prospect didn't simply "roll over" as I had been conditioned to expect during my training classes. "Babe," he would say, "they don't have the same script as you do."

Usually I would spend the next several minutes griping and complaining and creatively expressing my frustration to my exceedingly patient husband; but in present day, when a similar scenario crops up... hearing his voice in my head saying those words to me, I can't help but smile.

Ever since the Bunny and I first got together and continuing on beyond his death, I have been "challenged" by members of his family. As conflicted as I've always been in trying to establish the parameters of my relationship with these people, every new negative altercation pushes me further and further away from the place that speaks to "the Bunny would want us all to get along..." While that may be true in a certain sense, I also believe that the Bunny would not want me to be the recipient of such hateful behavior as I've had the misfortune to experience from a few of them - and now, with the Bunny's presence no longer an obstacle I often feel like one of those new sorority pledges that suffer through hazing for a week, hoping to be included in the group. Except in my case, that week never ends... and it's becoming crystal clear that I will never be included. I will always be an outsider.

It's been eighteen months since the Bunny died, and periodically I receive paperwork in the mail regarding the disposition of the Bunny's estate. As his spouse and Trustee, all of that junk rolls down and stops at my feet, forcing me to deal with it. So the other day, I received some such paperwork, having to do with the portion of the Bunny's pension that was intended for his ex-wife as part of their divorce settlement (the Bunny was seperated when he and I met; when the course of our relationship became evident, he went ahead and officially filed for divorce).

The letter indicated that the company required some additional court paperwork from the ex in order to release her portion of the Bunny's pension, as per the preliminary divorce information the company had kept on file. Now, since the divorce, she had subsequently remarried and moved out of the country, so I guessed that they were sending me a copy of this paperwork because of the company's inability to connect with her.

I consulted with my attorney. I was technically under no obligation to take any action; according to the terms of the letter, if the company did not receive the requested court paperwork in a certain amount of time, the pension benefit would be released to the Bunny's estate. In other words, me. But when I thought about it, this had nothing to do with me. Thus... conflicted.

I finally decided to send the ex an email, explaining the details of the letter and what the company was requesting, why they were requesting it, and the contact information of the benefits representative should she need to talk to somebody for additional information. I kept the tone purposefully cordial; I closed with the statement "Hope all is well with you and yours."

I actually didn't expect a response, but boy, did I get one.

Acknowledging that she was entitled to the pension, the ex immediately followed up with "I will not be pursuing or responding to this matter" and that I could "have the money" as she was sure I would find something to do with it. She goes on to accuse me of believing I "am the only one entitled to his life and his death" and made sure to point out that I "was only in his life for a blink of an eye."

"I will never pretend that you mean anything to me."

Never in my wildest imaginings could I have expected this kind of hateful vitriol as this woman so seemingly effortlessly and gleefully spewed at me. What the HELL!!?! But there was a good side to all of this. That conflict from before? About the relationship? Gone. Resolved. That door was slammed shut, for good. And I'm okay with that. The Bunny would approve.

Was I upset? Sure. But just for that day. Two weeks or so have gone by, and my life has moved on. Past that moment, and past a miserable woman who clearly has her own demons to battle. The last thing I heard was that her current marriage was in trouble. Coincidence? Hmmmm.

But once again, I hear the Bunny's voice in my head... and I can't help but smile.

Peace.