well...as our wedding pictures so plainly and obviously show, i had put on a little weight. i had been sick and wasn't going to the gym, and stopped riding on the weekends and (unfortunately) at the same time was eating all the wrong things...and LOTS of them!! so now...the wedding and reception are over...i'm feeling better, it's the beginning of june and i realize i've only got a couple few months before our annual 'amtrak century'. i head on back to the gym and to my absolute disgust, tip the scale at 237-1/2. i thought for quite a while that it was broke but after double checking on the scale we have at work it was confirmed...i was a lard ass!! so...my goal was to get back to the weight i was for last years century which was somewhere around 222 - 224. My 'ultimate' goal has always been to get down to 210...although that has been more my 'fantasy' weight as opposed to a reality weight. Well....that fantasy is getting closer and closer to a reality all the time. as of this morning, after finishing up the tues morning spin class, i weighed in at 216. a full 21-1/2 lbs lighter than 2 months ago, BUT...much more important, only 6 measly pounds away from my 'ultimate' goal. with a little bit of luck (and quite a few more spin classes) i might even get pretty damn close to 210 for the century.
just in case anyone is interested, the thing that has made the 'most' difference (other than the constant exercise of course) is that i have pretty much given up sugar. that has always been one of the main points driven home for the 'atkins' diet and now for the latest rave, the 'south beach' diet. they also list caffeine and alcohol, but i always drink a cup of coffee before each work out and i do have 1 beer a week (oh yeah....and last sunday i had a small bowl of rocky road!! mmmmmmm...it was soooooo GOOD!).
things are going well here, shirley should be starting her 'real' job around the 8th. trevor's doing good 'across the pond'. if you ever want to chat with him he is on AIM quite a bit. his sign on is DragonMaster9066. and just for the hell of it, his e-mail is dragon_master606@hotmail.com. Ummmm, there's suppose to be an 'underscore' between dragon and master but you can barely see it because the whole thing is underlined.
k, well...gotta go get ready for work
love to you all...Russ
(email to the family, dated August 26, 2003, approximately three months after our wedding)
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Sadness Captured
Photograph by: Joe Latter
Joe Latter Photography
562.437.0480
www.joelatterphotographer.com
Wardrobe alterations by: Robert Sancedo
Robert Sancedo, Designer/Stylist
323.256.6437
Wings by: Angela Jarman
Fancy Fairy & Goblin's Closet
707.642.6666
www.fancyfairy.com
Locket by: Jim Binnion
James Binnion Metal Arts
360.756.6550
www.mokume-gane.com
Hair by: Alyse Roen, Stylist
714.377.9262
Monday, October 5, 2009
A Perfect Circle
Received this in my in box today. Thanks, Victoria...
Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.
One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation..
Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.
The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside. The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene. One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man could not hear the band - he could see it in his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.
Days, weeks and months passed.
One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window.
The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone. Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window besides the bed.
It faced a blank wall.
The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall. She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."
I'll let you take away what you will from this story. Peace.
Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.
One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation..
Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.
The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside. The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene. One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man could not hear the band - he could see it in his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.
Days, weeks and months passed.
One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window.
The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone. Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window besides the bed.
It faced a blank wall.
The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall. She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."
I'll let you take away what you will from this story. Peace.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
An Italian Boy's Confession
I received this in my In box the other day, and it just struck me as VERY humorous... thanks, Cousin Naty!
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
''I cannot say."
''Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
''I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight-lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now, you go and behave yourself."
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"'Four months vacation and five good leads."
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
''I cannot say."
''Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
''I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight-lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now, you go and behave yourself."
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"'Four months vacation and five good leads."
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Riding The Wings Of A Dragonfly
The following is a poem written for me by my good friend Ellen Johnson. Thank you, Ellen. XOXOXO
For Shirley
I meant to comfort my friend
Whose life crashed twelve months ago
On a road she never meant to take
Sabotaged without warning
Still spinning, weeping and moaning in laughter
To chase the razor sharp cuts from opening
Again
What to say to a damaged heart
Without the predictable rhythm she once shared
Out of love
The mending is methodical winding down paths
She never imagined taking
And still she finds substance in gentle touches
Healing thoughts and the occasional lasting lyric
I told her time would go by
People would forget to hold her hand, for now she must
Become a soldier of endurance
Like the rest of us
The innocence rests in a safe place carved out in careful consideration
Of losing your child
You will dance out your afflicted demons in denial
Or find brilliant words to get through another hour
Cares will crash, smiles will collide and
The luminous bereaved butterfly will appear
And you will stand on dragonfly wings
On a trip down moonlit waters
Waiting for darkened dawn
Collecting your strength
And finding deeper dimensions than you ever conceived
And you will be alive
Vibrant with vision
With appreciation on your shoulder
Experience in your eyes
And my friend will have new meaning...
September 24, 2009
For Shirley
I meant to comfort my friend
Whose life crashed twelve months ago
On a road she never meant to take
Sabotaged without warning
Still spinning, weeping and moaning in laughter
To chase the razor sharp cuts from opening
Again
What to say to a damaged heart
Without the predictable rhythm she once shared
Out of love
The mending is methodical winding down paths
She never imagined taking
And still she finds substance in gentle touches
Healing thoughts and the occasional lasting lyric
I told her time would go by
People would forget to hold her hand, for now she must
Become a soldier of endurance
Like the rest of us
The innocence rests in a safe place carved out in careful consideration
Of losing your child
You will dance out your afflicted demons in denial
Or find brilliant words to get through another hour
Cares will crash, smiles will collide and
The luminous bereaved butterfly will appear
And you will stand on dragonfly wings
On a trip down moonlit waters
Waiting for darkened dawn
Collecting your strength
And finding deeper dimensions than you ever conceived
And you will be alive
Vibrant with vision
With appreciation on your shoulder
Experience in your eyes
And my friend will have new meaning...
September 24, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
In The Pink
You're angry... I know this
You're lonely... I feel this
You're crying at night
When nobody else is home
Come over here and let me hold your hand and hug you, darling
I promise you that it won't always feel this bad
There are so many things I want to say to you
You're the girl I used to be
You little heartbroken - me
You're laughing... but you're hiding
God, I know that trick too well
You forget that I've been you
And now... I'm just the shell
I promise, I love you
And everything will work out fine
Oh, just give it some time
The pain you feel is real
You're not asleep... but it's a nightmare
But you can wake up anytime
Oh, don't lose your passion
Or the fighter that's inside of you
You're the girl I used to be
The pissed off, complicated - me
Until we meet again.
- Excerpted from "Conversations With My 13-Year Old Self", Pink
You're lonely... I feel this
You're crying at night
When nobody else is home
Come over here and let me hold your hand and hug you, darling
I promise you that it won't always feel this bad
There are so many things I want to say to you
You're the girl I used to be
You little heartbroken - me
You're laughing... but you're hiding
God, I know that trick too well
You forget that I've been you
And now... I'm just the shell
I promise, I love you
And everything will work out fine
Oh, just give it some time
The pain you feel is real
You're not asleep... but it's a nightmare
But you can wake up anytime
Oh, don't lose your passion
Or the fighter that's inside of you
You're the girl I used to be
The pissed off, complicated - me
Until we meet again.
- Excerpted from "Conversations With My 13-Year Old Self", Pink
Monday, September 14, 2009
Christian Seely
I was getting dressed the other morning, and in the process of trying to hook my bra behind me I felt this shooting pain in my right hand. I let out a loud curse, and my dog Winnie immediately jumps up from her pillow and runs over to me, wagging her tail and making sure I was okay. Now, THAT’s love. If she were another person, that nice gesture would most likely be followed with a “Did you HAVE to make that noise? You freaked me out, I thought something was REALLY wrong!” See, that’s where animals get it right, and human beings just screw it all up. My dog loves me unconditionally, without reservations, without stipulations, without ulterior motives. There’s a saying I’ve heard before that sounds very “cutesie” at first glance, but really has a significant message if one stops and thinks about it: “My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” – Author Unknown. I LOVE a good saying…
Since starting my workout routine with the personal trainer, I increased my daily Winnie walks from one to two a day. Yes, I know it sets the bar higher, but knowing how much she loves to go for a walk, and how excited she is being able to walk twice a day now keeps me motivated to be consistent with it. Winnie asks me for nothing, yet she is always there with love to give me. Next to my son, I spend most of my time with her – one of the few non-virtual relationships that doesn’t make me feel boxed in. No expectations… I get to do whatever I want; very much like when the Bunny was alive.
So, Winnie and I were on our morning walk, and periodically – as dogs tend to like to do – she would forcefully stop in her tracks so she could smell this bush, or that brick wall… most likely holding evidence of some other dog passing by earlier. I use the word “forcefully” because most of the time I am in a hurry (I’m always in a hurry), rarely are these walks the meandering, ambling kind… Generally we walk the same route through my neighborhood, although sometimes I do feel compelled to turn left at the corner instead of right – just to switch it up for Winnie so it doesn’t become too boring – for both her and myself. She likes to stop in the same places usually, and one such stop today put us in front of a house I have walked past many times before. There is a particular bush Winnie always likes to investigate, directly to the right of the driveway.
For some unfathomable reason, I happened to look down at the pavement of the driveway, and noticed a message scratched out in the corner, most likely when the driveway was originally poured. I’m sure you’ve seen this before in the world, where there is wet concrete and random people carve their initials into it, to remain there indefinitely once the concrete hardens. I looked closer – it’s some kid’s name: Christian Seely. Probably either a current or previous inhabitant of this house. Underneath Christian’s name, a date: May 17, 1990.
May 17th is my wedding anniversary. So, on our morning walk, my vision registers this date, and immediately I get a tidal wave of thought coursing through my brain. How much longer will I look at the date and be able to say “that’s my wedding anniversary”? Technically speaking, I am no longer married – therefore, no anniversary to acknowledge. That thought makes me extraordinarily sad, and I am overtaken again by thoughts of “life is UNFAIR!” And after a few minutes of self-pity, my mind once again takes control and gently – because it understands, and also feels in its own way, the pain my heart is feeling – reminds me that all I can do is keep moving forward. One step at a time, Shirley. Don’t be so quick to get past this... your heart goes at its own pace. Don’t leave it behind.
They say that dogs – I guess all animals? – are very receptive to the thoughts and feelings of their owners. Winnie is a good girl; she finishes her investigation of the bush, and we continue on our journey. As is her way, she is just “there” with me. She doesn’t ask me questions, doesn’t make me talk about my feelings, doesn’t impatiently wait for me to “get over” anything. She just…. loves me. As for my heart, I’ve come to the realization that I will always love the Bunny. He changed my life; he added all the beautiful colors to my world.
And whoever has the thought to come into MY world is going to have to understand that...
...and just love me.
Since starting my workout routine with the personal trainer, I increased my daily Winnie walks from one to two a day. Yes, I know it sets the bar higher, but knowing how much she loves to go for a walk, and how excited she is being able to walk twice a day now keeps me motivated to be consistent with it. Winnie asks me for nothing, yet she is always there with love to give me. Next to my son, I spend most of my time with her – one of the few non-virtual relationships that doesn’t make me feel boxed in. No expectations… I get to do whatever I want; very much like when the Bunny was alive.
So, Winnie and I were on our morning walk, and periodically – as dogs tend to like to do – she would forcefully stop in her tracks so she could smell this bush, or that brick wall… most likely holding evidence of some other dog passing by earlier. I use the word “forcefully” because most of the time I am in a hurry (I’m always in a hurry), rarely are these walks the meandering, ambling kind… Generally we walk the same route through my neighborhood, although sometimes I do feel compelled to turn left at the corner instead of right – just to switch it up for Winnie so it doesn’t become too boring – for both her and myself. She likes to stop in the same places usually, and one such stop today put us in front of a house I have walked past many times before. There is a particular bush Winnie always likes to investigate, directly to the right of the driveway.
For some unfathomable reason, I happened to look down at the pavement of the driveway, and noticed a message scratched out in the corner, most likely when the driveway was originally poured. I’m sure you’ve seen this before in the world, where there is wet concrete and random people carve their initials into it, to remain there indefinitely once the concrete hardens. I looked closer – it’s some kid’s name: Christian Seely. Probably either a current or previous inhabitant of this house. Underneath Christian’s name, a date: May 17, 1990.
May 17th is my wedding anniversary. So, on our morning walk, my vision registers this date, and immediately I get a tidal wave of thought coursing through my brain. How much longer will I look at the date and be able to say “that’s my wedding anniversary”? Technically speaking, I am no longer married – therefore, no anniversary to acknowledge. That thought makes me extraordinarily sad, and I am overtaken again by thoughts of “life is UNFAIR!” And after a few minutes of self-pity, my mind once again takes control and gently – because it understands, and also feels in its own way, the pain my heart is feeling – reminds me that all I can do is keep moving forward. One step at a time, Shirley. Don’t be so quick to get past this... your heart goes at its own pace. Don’t leave it behind.
They say that dogs – I guess all animals? – are very receptive to the thoughts and feelings of their owners. Winnie is a good girl; she finishes her investigation of the bush, and we continue on our journey. As is her way, she is just “there” with me. She doesn’t ask me questions, doesn’t make me talk about my feelings, doesn’t impatiently wait for me to “get over” anything. She just…. loves me. As for my heart, I’ve come to the realization that I will always love the Bunny. He changed my life; he added all the beautiful colors to my world.
And whoever has the thought to come into MY world is going to have to understand that...
...and just love me.
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