Teaching An Old Human New Dog Tricks

I was looking at my boxer Winnie earlier today, wondering if she was underweight for her type of breed, so I launched into some spontaneous Internet research.

I love researching using the Internet, because one can find inordinate amounts of information using just a few search terms in mere seconds. This is one of the greatest abilities humans have in our world today, in my opinion. When I was a youngster, I remember having to physically visit a library – yes, I could spend hours walking up and down the aisles of books, scanning the titles on the spines; if the title was clever or interesting enough to catch my attention for longer than a millisecond, I might pull the book off of the shelf and open it up to read the jacket, giving me a synopsis of the content. But the Internet! Once you hit the “search” button, it miraculously retrieves literally thousands of “virtual books” if you will – and with one more click on any address, I now have access to pages upon pages of data. Sometimes, if I am completely engrossed in learning about some new topic, I will look at the clock in the lower right-hand corner of my computer screen and realize, “Oh my god, I’ve been at this for three hours!” So, yes, it is important to also have solid filtering skills when surfing the ‘net. And know how to swim or risk drowning.

So, worried about Winnie’s health, I searched “boxer weight chart” and found a website which had information on boxers: http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/. I clicked on the link, and I looked at the pictures of boxers on the site to see how they compared to how Winnie looked (the reason I suspect she might be underweight is because I can see her ribcage and her hindquarters and legs seem to be “thinner” in proportion to the rest of her body). The pictures showed dogs with muscular torsos, tapering off to slender hindquarters similar to Winnie, but she still looks like she could do to add maybe five to eight more pounds of meat on her, in my opinion. Although I do take her to the vet regularly for her shots, and the vet has never indicated that she isn’t eating enough. Hmmm. I will have to make it a point to ask the vet next time we visit.

So I read a little about the boxer breed – temperament, life expectancy, origin – and then I noticed some additional links to the right of the page. I clicked on one entitled, “Successfully Adopting A Rescue Dog” – all of my animals are rescued, including Eezma (the cat). This one was literally a gold mine of information, and the more I read the more I realized I was doing quite a few things wrong in establishing a secure, stable environment for my dogs. Sharon Maguire, the author of this particular article, starts off by saying that shelters are full of great, misunderstood animals – because human beings don’t speak “dog” and subsequently, because of this inability to understand what a dog is attempting to communicate in terms of its needs, blames the dog when the human owner is the one creating the problems. According to Sharon, the two primary reasons dogs are returned to shelters are: a) lack of exercise and b) lack of leadership. Since I make it a point to walk my dogs every day, I decided that I was more of a “lack of leadership” offender. In a household which includes dogs, it is critical to establish that the humans are the leaders of the pack; the “alpha” who must be followed and obeyed. This is a natural canine expectation… and when the human doesn’t act like the alpha, the dog assumes that means that he or she is the alpha. That’s when you start to see all the “bad” behaviors – excessive barking (for attention, like Canela likes to do), aggression – this contributes to an environment in which the dog doesn’t feel secure. “Dogs who are not given clear structure and rules are not secure happy dogs. In order for a dog to be secure they must clearly know who is running the show. It is either going to be you or them.” Sharon goes on to say that while this might sound harsh, it is important to remember that when dealing with canine animals, the human must think like THEM.. not to have the expectation that it’s going to work the other way around.

I realized, after reading this article, that I have been enabling Canela’s bad behavior – I adopted Canela ( a whippet Jack Russell mix) a little over a year or so ago from Liz’s younger sister Katie. My neighbor Erin likes to say that when Canela showed up, she taught Winnie all her bad habits – which is true for the most part; Winnie has always been the greatest dog – the Bunny and I were extremely lucky to find her. At the time that I brought Canela home, I had decided that Winnie needed a friend as she would frequently whine for no apparent reason. I assumed she wanted attention and interaction from me, but I was – and am – too busy with my never-ending to do list.

Now, Canela is part of the family. She can be very sweet, yes, but she can just as often be very annoying. Now I realize that the annoying times are when Canela is trying to assert herself as the alpha of the pack. No wonder she is insecure! And all this time I have been frustrated with her behavior, it’s been me enabling it the entire time. The light bulb has suddenly lit up the dark tunnel.

It’s going to take a little effort on my part, but I am going to try to be a bit better about communicating my alpha status to my pack. And I think the reward is that we are all going to be much happier -and me a lot less frustrated.

I look at the clock in the lower right-hand corner of my computer screen. Only 9:17pm. Not too bad. Time to get off this computer though – I hear a glass of wine calling my name. And I know when I sign off and get up from my chair, Canela – who has been sleeping at my feet under the desk – will spring up and follow me out of my office, through the kitchen, into the living room – I’m not going to be annoyed anymore that she shadows me everywhere; she is following my lead; I’m her alpha. She is doing exactly what she is supposed to be doing.

Who knew I could learn to speak dog? But I guess that should be expected of a Communications expert like I profess to be. Ha.

Booking It

I have this friend; we’ll call her… Dee. Dee has had one bad relationship after another – married four times previously, and most recently ended a three-year “was living with the guy” relationship.

Some weeks ago, Dee hooked up with Michael. Right from the start, this proved to fit Dee’s typical relationship mold. Michael, in his own “living with the girl” relationship, did not show any signs of changing his situation when he and Dee started paying more attention to each other. Unfortunately, this fact did not make a huge difference to Dee – she and Michael wasted no time getting naked every chance they got. Dee shared with me recently that her attraction for Michael is off the charts… and she insists, despite the lying, cheating, and noncommittal sex, that Michael is a good-hearted guy at his core and deep down really cares a lot about her.

I have known Dee since we were kids. She’s always been somewhat of a rebel; she would be the one to sneak out of the house and drag me along for the ride. In fact, at one point during our teenage years, my dad went so far as to forbid me from hanging around with Dee anymore. It’s ironic that here I am, twenty-five years later, and my own father has zero presence in my life while Dee is one of my closest confidants.

So, I am a bit torn. I care about Dee as if she and I were blood. I worry about her. I don’t want to tell her how she should live her own life – only she gets to decide that. And I’ve even met Michael a few times… yes, he seems like a decent guy on the surface. But it pisses me off that as much as he “allegedly” cares for Dee, he isn’t motivated to create a legitimate place for her in his life. Because isn’t that what a person is supposed to do when the Universe brings one in contact with another human being that inspires him or her? That makes their excitement level run higher, their heart beat faster, their center of gravity move towards wherever that other person is?

I don’t have the heart to say this to Dee, but I think that Michael is just playing with her. She’s a beautiful woman; in great shape for a 40-year old. I tease her all the time that if I were a lesbian, I would try to date her myself. That always makes her laugh. I like it when I can make my friends laugh. I feel sorry for Dee, because I know she’s had a lot of bad luck in the relationship department and she seems to be very happy right now. But this is a train wreck waiting to happen, and I know that she’s going to have trouble bouncing back from this one given that she really wasn’t “whole” to begin with.

We are supposed to get together for sushi tomorrow night – it’s Dee’s birthday. Fortunately Michael won’t be around, I seem to remember he’s got some work thing to take care of. Or maybe something with his girlfriend. I don’t recall the exact details, but I know Dee was a little miffed that Michael was going to miss her birthday dinner. I guess it will be a good chance for me to plant some seeds in Dee’s head, in a subtle, roundabout way. This relationship clearly has nowhere to go, and the longer she keeps at it with Michael, the more opportunity she loses to meet the next guy. One that will actually be good to her – that will love and cherish her, that will be around when she needs him to be, that will talk to her and share his thoughts and dreams with her – everything that she deserves and what we all aspire to find for ourselves.

As for me? I know what that kind of relationship feels like, because I had it with the Bunny. I know it exists. I will accept nothing less; nothing less than everything, because that’s what I will be giving: everything. No holds barred. An open access system. I know what I deserve, and I will settle. For. Nothing. Less. No matter who I piss off in the process of making those kinds of decisions for myself. But then again, I never cared about what other people think of me. It’s my life to live… and since I only get one shot at it, I’m going to make damn sure it counts for something great.

And Michael, at that future point when Dee has slipped through your fingers, maybe you’ll figure out that how you are going about your own life is NOT going to get you what you want. Assuming you want more than just a super-cute piece of ass.

Or maybe you won’t figure that out. Only time will tell.

Dust If You Must

I saw this posted by my friend Steff on FaceBook earlier today, stolen from a posting from one of her friends... and probably stolen/shared many times before that. I agreed it was worth sharing.


Dust if you must, but wouldn't it be better
To paint a picture or write a letter?
Bake a cake or plant a seed,
...Ponder the difference between want and need.

Dust if you must, but there is not much time
With rivers to swim and mountains to climb,
Music to hear and books to read,
Friends to cherish and life to lead.

Dust if you must, but the world's out there,
With the sun in your eyes, the wind in your hair,
A flutter of snow, a shower of rain,
This day will not come around again.

Dust if you must, but bear in mind,
Old age will come and it's not kind,
And when you go, and go you must,
You yourself will make more dust.

Remember, a house becomes a home
when you write "I love you" on the furniture.


Author Unknown

Are You There? It's Me...

It’s difficult to keep thinking positively when the overwhelming evidence in one’s life points to utter devastation and failure.

That’s where I am at right at this moment. I am at the proverbial crossroads; wanting to continue focusing on my professional activities which give meaning and purpose to my life – you know, the ones I am very passionate about – versus I also want to be able to eat and pay my bills. My challenges right now are purely economical, and there are a handful of ways I can go about addressing them.

Every option has its pros and cons. I could get an additional job, change companies, change industries completely (all easier said than done). I could bring in a roommate, which means opening up my sanctuary to another person – probably a stranger. I could ask my friends and family for short-term loans… something I really dislike but have been forced into as of late. My biggest barrier is not knowing what any of these choices will do to my overall “life happiness” level – something I have been very protective of since the Bunny’s death. The bottom line is this: I am afraid to make a choice that will leave me in a state of unhappiness.

Coincidentally, I have been reading a book from my vast collection that I picked up quite some time ago and for whatever reason was inspired to pick up again recently. It is entitled, “Feel the Fear… And Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers, Ph D. The main premise of the book is that all of our fears – those emotionally-based ones; the things we “worry” about – all stem from our lack of faith in ourselves. That we won’t be able to handle whatever it is that life throws at us. And because we don’t think we will be able to handle it, we are paralyzed. Stuck. Unwilling to engage in our Universe – thereby missing out on all of the world’s opportunities.

As far as I can tell, I am not doing a great job of handling my ongoing survival. Every month is a challenge – and so far I have managed to barely squeak by. But I’m definitely getting discouraged. When is my luck and good karma going to run out? I’m trying not to focus on that negative thought – focusing on the negative only seems to create more negative, in my experience.

I am three quarters of the way through the book. At the conclusion of Chapter 9, I read a sentence that kind of sticks with me: “Stop fighting your life.” What Susan means by this is that it's important to view every experience in our lives as valuable; to “let go” of the mental picture we each hold inside our minds of what life SHOULD be, and simply accept life for what it IS.

It will all work out. Say yes to your Universe, Shirley. “It means channeling resources to find constructive, healthy ways to deal with adverse situations. It means having the flexibility necessary to survey many options and choose ones that enhance growth. It does not mean being destroyed; it means becoming alive to possibility.”

Thanks, Susan. I needed that.

I’m still alive.

Peace.